• In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
    最近的一次调查发现,百分之九十四的美国女性都把贞操献给了Chuck Norris。剩下的百分之六不是太胖就是太丑。

  • Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
    Chuck Norris发明了一种把Roundhouse Kick和空手道结合起来的(肢体)语言,所以下次他踢你屎忽的时候,不要觉得被冒犯或者被伤害;他可能只是想说你的帽子挺好看。

  • If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
    如果你一开始不怎么成功,你就不是Chuck Norris
    (谚语:If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.)

  • If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he’d kick your ass.
    在“Chuck Norris历”里,每一个月都叫“查月”,而且每一天都是踢忽节。

  • Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don’t get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
    Chuck Norris并不是只能嗅到恐惧的味道,他还能感觉到希望,那些“真希望当时能躲过Roundhouse踢”

  • Chuck Norris’s show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn’t run.
    Chuck Norris的电视剧叫"会走路的德克萨斯噩梦",因为他从来不跑。

  • MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
    马盖先能用口香糖和曲别针造出飞机,但是Chuck Norris能用Roundhouse Kick把自己的头踢穿一堵墙,再捡回来。

  • Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
    每个成功人士的背后都有一个女人;每个死亡人士的背后都是Chuck Norris。

  • What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.
    UFC通常是Ultimate Fighting Championship(终极角斗锦标赛)的缩写,但这不是全称。它的全称是无Chuck Norris版的终极角斗锦标赛

  • Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
    Chuck Norris用铁屑、工业去污剂、甲醇的混合物刷牙。

  • The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris’ age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
    测定Chuck Norris年龄最简单的方法是切开数年轮。

  • There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
    对人类灵魂是否存在的争论从来没有休止,但Chuck Norris证明了它存在,并且很好吃。

  • Most boots are made for walkin’. Chuck Norris’ boots ain’t that merciful.
    大多数鞋子的设计目的都是为了行走,Chuck Norris的鞋子可没这么仁慈。

  • The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
    美国抵制1980莫斯科奥运会并不是因为政治原因,而是因为Chuck Norris在跆拳道练习中,用一个RoundHouse踢就把代表团全灭了。

  • Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
    Chuck Norris的安全套是一条活的响尾蛇。

  • The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
    圣经的原标题是“Chuck Norris和伙伴们”。

  • Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
    Chuck Norris开始卖全方位健身器,使他每天的对手都不那么悲惨——这个尝试失败了。

  • Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn’t like Fudge Ripple.
    知道为什么Baskin Robbins只有31种口味的冰激淋吗?因为Chuck Norris不喜欢美式巧克力味的。

  • When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
    当Chuck Norris说“拳打南山猛虎、脚踢北海苍龙”的时候……他就真的指字面意思!
    (The cowbell was also the subject of a famous Saturday Night Live skit popularly known as "More Cowbell ." )

  • On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
    在Walker: Texas Ranger里,Chuck Norris救回了一只濒死的羊羔,仅仅是用他的胡须蹭了蹭。当旁观者聚集起来时,羊羔又生龙活虎了。然后他用Roundhouse踢秒杀了这只羊羔,只是为了证明天下没有免费的午餐。

  • Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin’ about.

  • Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
    谷歌不会搜索Chuck Norris,因为他知道“你不去找Chuck Norris,Chuck Norris就会来找你了。”

  • Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

  • Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

  • It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
    在科学意义上,Chuck Norris不可能有一个人类父亲。最流行的假说是他回到了过去,日出来了自己。

  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
    Chuck Norris轰爆了元素周期表,因为他只认识“惊异元素”。

  • It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
    人们相信恐龙灭绝的原因是一枚巨大陨石。这是真的……如果那“巨大陨石”指Chuck Norris的话。

  • Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
    Chuck Norris枪击了警长,但是用RoundHouse踢了副警长。
    (I shot the sheriff,歌名。)
  • That’s not Chuck Norris doing push-ups — that’s Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
    Chuck Norris不是在做俯卧撑,它是把地球推离一颗致命的小行星。

  • Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
    Chuck Norris就能管中窥豹。
    (典故:judge a book by its cover)

  • Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
    没有东西能逃离黑洞,除了Chuck Norris。Chuck Norris直接吃了黑洞。据说口感像鸡肉。

  • Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn’t have nearly enough balls.
    Chuck Norris不玩彩票,那些球太少了。

  • Q: How many Chuck Norris’ does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
    问:几个Chuck Norris才能换一个电灯泡?答:零。因为他喜欢在黑暗中杀人。

  • As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
    罗斯福:“我们恐惧的,就只有恐惧本身而已……以及Chuck Norris
    (毛片儿:主席说:“人民群众是不可战胜的。除了Chuck Norris”)

  • Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia’s infrastructure.
    Chuck Norris拒绝毒品。因为如果他不拒绝的话,哥伦比亚就毁了。

  • Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
    1940年,即Chuck Norris出生的那年,Roundhouse Kick的死亡率上升了13000个百分点。

  • Crime does not pay – unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
    不明。请指教。Crime does not pay是“犯罪划不来”的大概意思。

  • Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.
    Chuck Norris发明了Internet,只是为了找个地方存他的毛片。

  • Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
    Chuck Norris没有自己的房子。他随便走进一间,里面的人搬出去。

  • It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

  • Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
    Chuck Norris是唯一一个在不眨眼比赛中同时赢了Ray Charles和Stevie Wonder的人。

  • Industrial logging isn’t the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
    木材的滥用并不是森林过度砍伐的原因,Chuck Norris缺牙签。

  • Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking… because the Rock is Chuck Norris’ personal chef.
    Chuck Norris能闻到夺命岛上在做什么菜,因为夺命岛是他的私人厨子。

  • When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
    Chuck Norris走奥勒冈小径的时候,他的家人并不是死于霍乱或痢疾,而是更可怕的“脸部RoundHouse踢”。他也不需要马车,只是把牛羊什么的背着——他就绝对比你快。

  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
    Waldo藏起来是因为Chuck Norris。

  • "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It’s also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
    断背山不仅仅是一个电影,它也指Chuck Norris前院里那堆死忍者。

  • When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say ‘please’."
    罗老师的翻译——上帝说:“要有光”;Chuck Norris说:“求我呀”
    废弃翻译:神说:“要有光”,Chuck Norris说:“说‘请’。”

  • Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris’ fists is inside his own body.
    Chuck Norris不吃东西,食物们自己明白,唯一能幸免于他拳头的地方就是他的胃里。

  • One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
    有一天,Chuck Norris在街上走着走着扯旗了。没有幸存者。

  • Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
    Chuck Norris做了一个时间机器去阻止刺杀肯尼迪,在奥斯瓦德开枪的瞬间,他用胡子偏转了那三颗子弹。于是肯尼迪的头被骇爆了。

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

  • Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris晚上点灯,不是因为他怕黑,而是黑怕他。

  • Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
    Chuck Norris没法扔飞镖玩,每次他玩的时候,整个房子就塌了。


  • Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
    在每集Walker: Texas Ranger之前,Chuck Norris都要注射14倍致死量的大象用镇定剂,当然,是用来限制他的力量和灵敏,来提高他戏中对手的生存几率。

  • When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
    Bruce Banner暴走,就变成绿巨人;绿巨人暴走,变成Chuck Norris。

  • Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn’t ever want fries with anything. Ever.
  • Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
  • Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
  • Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
  • Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough
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    紧凑的午饭之后,我开始着手于下午的工作,下午首先要制作一个商务客户的综合查询系统原型,借助.net 2.0的强大功能和前期大量的数据拆分工作结果,我很欣喜的在3点之前完成了这一富有挑战性的工作。期间,老同志再次给我打电话,报告系统再再次重新启动之后报告其他文件丢失,至此可以确定,电脑的硬件有不明故障,我帮助老同志分析了故障的原因,并建议他质询相关的硬件供应商。老同志欣喜的离开了。接下来,我有关注于微软本月的安全公告,本月微软工发布了12个安全公告,其中严重级公告有8个之多,考虑到企业中大量用户都没有开放自动更新,我决定分析一下那些安全公告所提供的漏洞是非常可能在本局域网下传播的,并针对本安全公告发布企业内通告,提醒大家及时更新补丁。

















    这笑话不好笑,我就是那个没销售十分之一年薪的搞技术的人,而且周末,我还在搞。从今天早上9点开始我就坐在机器前面摆弄那些代码了。为了保证效率,我昨天晚上些了一个长长的todolist。今天我就开始自食其果。那个List似乎没有尽头,每当我把一个todo item 的status修改为cove以后,总会顺手做个下拉动作,然后吸一口凉气。我决定在下一个改版中加入ajax特性,让它自动计算还有多少剩余任务,剩余时间还有多少。为了晚上能够稍微玩一会,就搭上正个白天。明天还有一天的安排。