In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Chuck Norris发明了一种把Roundhouse Kick和空手道结合起来的（肢体）语言，所以下次他踢你屎忽的时候，不要觉得被冒犯或者被伤害；他可能只是想说你的帽子挺好看。
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
（谚语：If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.）
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he’d kick your ass.
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don’t get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris’s show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn’t run.
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
马盖先能用口香糖和曲别针造出飞机，但是Chuck Norris能用Roundhouse Kick把自己的头踢穿一堵墙，再捡回来。
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.
UFC通常是Ultimate Fighting Championship（终极角斗锦标赛）的缩写，但这不是全称。它的全称是无Chuck Norris版的终极角斗锦标赛
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris’ age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
Most boots are made for walkin’. Chuck Norris’ boots ain’t that merciful.
The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"
Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn’t like Fudge Ripple.
知道为什么Baskin Robbins只有31种口味的冰激淋吗？因为Chuck Norris不喜欢美式巧克力味的。
When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
（The cowbell was also the subject of a famous Saturday Night Live skit popularly known as "More Cowbell ." ）
On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
在Walker: Texas Ranger里，Chuck Norris救回了一只濒死的羊羔，仅仅是用他的胡须蹭了蹭。当旁观者聚集起来时，羊羔又生龙活虎了。然后他用Roundhouse踢秒杀了这只羊羔，只是为了证明天下没有免费的午餐。
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin’ about.
Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
谷歌不会搜索Chuck Norris，因为他知道“你不去找Chuck Norris，Chuck Norris就会来找你了。”
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
（I shot the sheriff，歌名。）
That’s not Chuck Norris doing push-ups — that’s Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
（典故：judge a book by its cover）
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
没有东西能逃离黑洞，除了Chuck Norris。Chuck Norris直接吃了黑洞。据说口感像鸡肉。
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn’t have nearly enough balls.
Q: How many Chuck Norris’ does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia’s infrastructure.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
1940年，即Chuck Norris出生的那年，Roundhouse Kick的死亡率上升了13000个百分点。
Crime does not pay – unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
不明。请指教。Crime does not pay是“犯罪划不来”的大概意思。
Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Chuck Norris是唯一一个在不眨眼比赛中同时赢了Ray Charles和Stevie Wonder的人。
Industrial logging isn’t the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking… because the Rock is Chuck Norris’ personal chef.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It’s also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say ‘please’."
Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris’ fists is inside his own body.
One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
在每集Walker: Texas Ranger之前，Chuck Norris都要注射14倍致死量的大象用镇定剂，当然，是用来限制他的力量和灵敏，来提高他戏中对手的生存几率。
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Bruce Banner暴走，就变成绿巨人；绿巨人暴走，变成Chuck Norris。
Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn’t ever want fries with anything. Ever.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough